Ordinary

I am an ordinary girl.
I won't write an epic,
Or sing a ballad,
I won't discover something new,
And inspire the masses,
And tell them how rock bottom
Became the foundation of
Everything I am to become.
I won't do any of those things
That geniuses do when they fall apart;
Things that make them geniuses.

I am an ordinary girl,
All I am capable of,
Is to stop,
And feel this,
Extraordinarily.

Art by Justina Hull

The Drinking Curve

I tell you, work life sucks. Either you're working and thinking on those lines or you're trying to keep yourself as far as possible from any kind of device that encourages work. Hence, the delay in the posting of this rant.

The above also brings me to acknowledge the recently discovered attitude towards what used to be my favourite thing in the world when I was young... err... well, younger. (?) Alcohol; the magic, the flair and the tremendous amount of fearlessness that comes with it. Yeah, I was that friend who could drink and make others drink to anything. You know, the kind of friend who turns everything in life into a drinking occasion... be it a break up, a new relationship, an achievement, a failure, a weekday, a weekend, celebrating that you've been drinking for 3 nights straight, 4 nights straights, 5 nights straight..... aaaand you get the drill. Just about anything. Bored? Let's get drunk! Diwali? Let's totally return home drunk and traumatize the shit out of the folks! Feeling too hyper? Let's get drunk and pass out in peace I say. Ok? Ok. In my defense, yes I definitely have been a nuisance but a very entertaining one at that.

So when it came to kickstarting my career and finally having the means of indulging in liquor above the ranks of old monks and port wines, needless to say, I was dazed at the colorful prospects of my future drinking life. And then the dreams of a 1 tequila-2 tequila-3 tequila-floor routine silently died a gradual death. Four drinks became three, three became two and two drinks slowly transformed to even preferring mocktails on some evenings. 

Presently, you can imagine the disbelief my friends and acquaintances are faced with whenever I venture to go out drinking with them.

And then there are those times when I am reminded of my past vigour and spark and my capacities to "own" the party and suddenly I would feel like a teenager again, ready to guzzle down whatever it takes to prove that point. So with me all dressed up and drunk, you'd assume I'm back on my feet to steal the show but instead what you witness is a cranky droopy-eyed bitch who wants to beat you to pulp because her decision to go home and sleep isn't receiving sufficient footage. To add to the injury, the clock probably hasn't even struck midnight.

 

Post-hangover, I promise myself to skip the -OH factor the next time. It comes with a set of pros and cons of course. Pros being no Aspirin-binging in the morning and cons being labelled as "old and boring". Again in my defense, after 8 yrs of being young and exciting, I could make peace with having earned the latter label. 

 

In fact, in all honesty, the drinking curve has hit such a low that I sometimes even tend to lie about what I'm doing just to bunk the invitations.

But before you all give up on me, I'm sure I'm not ALL old and withered and that there will be those rare moments when I'll gladly crave for those much missed pitchers and towers when in the presence of suitable company. But until then, how about keeping them really rare and special? :D

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.

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Crap. I'm old. Must go partying and prove myself wrong. Must.Must.Must.

.

.

Yawn. 

To marry or not to marry is the question, my friend.

Hailing from an uber educated Bengali nuclear family, I haven’t been particularly bombarded with the shaadi agenda from within my immediate circle. In other words, I was blessed to grow up with an air of freedom surrounding me with the prime focus being on making sure I stand tall and proud independently. So naturally, I grew up to be rather bold and blunt and have been therefore  stereotyped as the 'crazy girl', reducing the probability of further queries on why I am not lehenga shopping already. Yes, it comes with the cons of being wrongly judged for my liberal outlook but with a pro as big as this one, who cares?!

However, when you are a girl in the Indian subcontinent and over 24yrs of age, no matter how successful, independent or financially stable you are, you would indefinitely sense the ominous tension and pressure peaking around you, looming overhead, begging for an explanation as to why on earth you haven’t found The One to drive off into the sunset with! Social media overflows with your schoolmates having babies and collegemates proclaiming eternal love with diamond rings; uncles and aunties literally go sniffer-dog on you investigating to the last detail as to why you do not wish to be a blushing bride yet.

And one day, overwhelmed by all of the above and fed up of defending their free-spirited girl, even your parents succumb to this nuisance and grimly question you about the future. Because clearly, everyone’s busy finding a partner and you are 2000kms away from home busy zoning out and getting almost hit by buses and cars on an everyday basis. Of course you are headed to a lonely doom and that needs to be fixed asap. I mean what were you thinking? Your giggling girlfriends are either getting married, will get married or are planning on getting married. And your guyfriends are also in the process of finding giggling girlfriends for themselves. <insert double facepalm>

As for you, the quality of men around makes you sick and the idea of being tied to one among them for the rest of your life makes you gladly prefer the lonely doom. Also let us not forget that the more men you ‘just date’, the less marriageable you become; because of course according to society jumping in bed with a pre-decided participant on the night of the wedding is far more ethical than actually liking someone, getting to know them and thereafter deciding on the prospects. Duh, Indian logic. <bangs head on wall repeatedly>

So that leaves you to where I am, outnumbered by the rest. The rationality stands simple. Your loved ones want someone to be there for you and take care of you in their absence. But what amuses me is that they are ready to entrust a stranger with this task, someone unaware of your quirks, your habits, your weaknesses and strengths.

No, I am sorry but in this day and age I don’t think you can ‘arrange’ love this way and get to know someone through word of mouth. You don’t know someone until you know what they need before even they know it, you don’t know someone until you become habituated to their habits, you don’t know someone until their joys and sorrows make a difference to you at a sub-conscious level. And no, you can’t decidedly arrange for two people to feel this way and you can’t keep spinning the wheel again and again in a desperate hope to hit the jackpot. You simply cannot plan this, the when, the where and the how. 

And it’s certainly not that I undermine marriage but instead the fact that I don’t, makes me want to uphold its sanctity and take the plunge only when I feel put together – emotionally and otherwise. Hell, I still can't fix two square meals a day for myself, let alone do that for someone else as well! And here’s a huge shoutout to my ever-supportive folks who never have and never will challenge my judgment. I pray each one of you get to be as lucky as I am in this regard; I know your kids will.

That said, I truly am happy for those who think their time is up and seek the easiest way out. But here’s a thought – The best things are never easy and time is never up for love. By the end of it I don’t know if I’ll ever reach a place of belonging but I’ll atleast figure out where I don’t belong. Let’s save the ‘bahurani’ act for a time when it won’t be an ‘act’, right?

Welcome to Bangs and Pangs!

Hello there all you lovelies and lovelas quartering in on the clock. Six months shy from 25, I completely understand your agonies.

Excuse me gentlemen, if you however find my struggles women-oriented. Nevertheless, I'm quite certain that you would still find them relatable to the pains of your lady friends if not yours and needless to say a catharsis on the same would surely be entertaining for your kind.

So to begin with I'd say it's rather optimistic to consider 25 as a quarter of a life, don't you think? But what the hell, I consider myself a cynical optimist, so let's continue hoping for a century keeping in mind all the shit we'll have to deal with in the process.

As for a little bit about me and why I am here; I recently joined an MNC in the first quarter of this year and freshly out of a colourful post graduate life, the transition to the first full-time job and life as a corporate official hasn't been particularly hunky-dory. But you probably figured that out considering I titled the blog a 'crisis'. Don't get me wrong, I love my job! (And no, I'm not just saying that because this is a public forum!) Its what happens after work and around work that gets in there a little, if you know what I mean and sure as hell, since you're here, you would!

This is my second attempt at blogging. I used to be a regular creative-writing blogger who used to go by the name of 'Enchanta' on The Enchanted Sigil (locked for only private viewing as of now) for quite some years and had gathered a modest acclaim. However, over time, my evolution as a writer and a full-fledged adult (still coping with accepting that by the way) has made me choose to keep that blog in my past. I would however love to share some of the favourited posts from back then on this platform from time to time.

Anyway, I can't think of any more introductory statements to welcome you all to join this bandwagon. Here's looking forward to brand new revelations of growing up and getting accustomed to these whole new responsible versions of the children that we all are at heart.

Enjoy your stay here. I for sure can't wait to ramble on and eat your brains out.Yay!

PS: Also if  you're wondering what the URL is all about, it's quite simple actually. I have bangs and I got pangs. <Insert creepy ha-ha-ha>