To marry or not to marry is the question, my friend.

Hailing from an uber educated Bengali nuclear family, I haven’t been particularly bombarded with the shaadi agenda from within my immediate circle. In other words, I was blessed to grow up with an air of freedom surrounding me with the prime focus being on making sure I stand tall and proud independently. So naturally, I grew up to be rather bold and blunt and have been therefore  stereotyped as the 'crazy girl', reducing the probability of further queries on why I am not lehenga shopping already. Yes, it comes with the cons of being wrongly judged for my liberal outlook but with a pro as big as this one, who cares?!

However, when you are a girl in the Indian subcontinent and over 24yrs of age, no matter how successful, independent or financially stable you are, you would indefinitely sense the ominous tension and pressure peaking around you, looming overhead, begging for an explanation as to why on earth you haven’t found The One to drive off into the sunset with! Social media overflows with your schoolmates having babies and collegemates proclaiming eternal love with diamond rings; uncles and aunties literally go sniffer-dog on you investigating to the last detail as to why you do not wish to be a blushing bride yet.

And one day, overwhelmed by all of the above and fed up of defending their free-spirited girl, even your parents succumb to this nuisance and grimly question you about the future. Because clearly, everyone’s busy finding a partner and you are 2000kms away from home busy zoning out and getting almost hit by buses and cars on an everyday basis. Of course you are headed to a lonely doom and that needs to be fixed asap. I mean what were you thinking? Your giggling girlfriends are either getting married, will get married or are planning on getting married. And your guyfriends are also in the process of finding giggling girlfriends for themselves. <insert double facepalm>

As for you, the quality of men around makes you sick and the idea of being tied to one among them for the rest of your life makes you gladly prefer the lonely doom. Also let us not forget that the more men you ‘just date’, the less marriageable you become; because of course according to society jumping in bed with a pre-decided participant on the night of the wedding is far more ethical than actually liking someone, getting to know them and thereafter deciding on the prospects. Duh, Indian logic. <bangs head on wall repeatedly>

So that leaves you to where I am, outnumbered by the rest. The rationality stands simple. Your loved ones want someone to be there for you and take care of you in their absence. But what amuses me is that they are ready to entrust a stranger with this task, someone unaware of your quirks, your habits, your weaknesses and strengths.

No, I am sorry but in this day and age I don’t think you can ‘arrange’ love this way and get to know someone through word of mouth. You don’t know someone until you know what they need before even they know it, you don’t know someone until you become habituated to their habits, you don’t know someone until their joys and sorrows make a difference to you at a sub-conscious level. And no, you can’t decidedly arrange for two people to feel this way and you can’t keep spinning the wheel again and again in a desperate hope to hit the jackpot. You simply cannot plan this, the when, the where and the how. 

And it’s certainly not that I undermine marriage but instead the fact that I don’t, makes me want to uphold its sanctity and take the plunge only when I feel put together – emotionally and otherwise. Hell, I still can't fix two square meals a day for myself, let alone do that for someone else as well! And here’s a huge shoutout to my ever-supportive folks who never have and never will challenge my judgment. I pray each one of you get to be as lucky as I am in this regard; I know your kids will.

That said, I truly am happy for those who think their time is up and seek the easiest way out. But here’s a thought – The best things are never easy and time is never up for love. By the end of it I don’t know if I’ll ever reach a place of belonging but I’ll atleast figure out where I don’t belong. Let’s save the ‘bahurani’ act for a time when it won’t be an ‘act’, right?